


The Punchline is My Cock

by FiccinDylan_2014 (FiccinDylan)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hot Mess, M/M, basically it's parkour, dom!stiles, ficcindylan.tumblr.com, gay!nogitsune, jacob from twilighting is totally a thing, shut up danny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 08:23:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1544159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan_2014
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles just got the Nogitsune out of him and is tired.  What he has time for is a nap and maybe a quick jerk before. What he doesn't have time for is Danny's bullshit.  Looks like Danny's bullshit just booked the rest of Stiles' day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Punchline is My Cock

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [FiccinDylan](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com)

"So wait, a Japanese spirit inhabited you and caused you to do a lot of collateral damage all over town?" 

"Yep."

"And then the Japanese spirit like, threw you up somehow? And then there were two of you, but then Kira shanked one after Scott bit it?"

" _Yeee_ -ep."

"So how do they know they got the right one?  How do they know that you're you?"

"Danny!  Fuck, I don't know dude, maybe when he was monologuing about being a thousand years old it tipped them off?! Though now I'm not so sure because I feel like this conversation has been going on for a thousand years. I just wanna go to sleep and forget this past week dude.  Why are you even here?  What do you want?"  Danny was there for a reason that he almost forgot once Stiles started complaining about having a "Nogitsune of a headache".

"Who the fuck is Miguel really?  That dude was at my party and after talking to Ethan I now have confirmation that everything in this town is fucked up and you're usually at the center of it sooo..."

And that's when Stiles had had enough.  He looked Danny up and down rationalizing that if he was going to have to go through this bullshit he might as well get something out of it.

"Did you know the Nogitsune was gay?"  Danny didn't even remember what he'd been talking about because this was so out of left field.

"What? What the fuck are you even-"

"The Nogitsune Danny.  Japanese fox spirit? Gay as fucking blazes, he loved cock, he was gay as shit. Mostly for Derek, he liked throwing him around a lot. He had a thing for Peter too, had a thing for the Hale boys in general.  Peter was weird though, I don't know where they would have known each other from, but when Scott was rummaging around in my head trying to save me, I could feel Noggy in there thinking about Peter's jeans.  About ripping them to shreds."

"Stiles, fuck man, what's goin-"

"Shut up Danny, and listen to me because this is important, okay?" Stiles took a firm step towards Danny as Danny looked around Stiles' bedroom cautiously mapping it for exits. 'If I go for the window I can definitely Jacob from Twilight it to that tree and slide down and run away'.

"Stop mapping my room for exits Danny, that window's locked, fucking listen."  Danny's heart began to race as Stiles took another step towards him.  He swallowed and nodded.  It wasn't like Stiles to be this way.  Usually he was jokey and awkward and clumsy.  This new Stiles was cocky and sure and... attactive?

"He had the biggest boner for Scott though, like a huge fucking boner.  Every time he saw Scott's crooked jaw and that brown olive skin he'd just go into a rage and have to fuck shit up, you know what I mean?"  Danny couldn't even think of Scott except to wonder what Stiles did to him.

"I have no fucking clue what you mean dude, are you... why are you taking your shirt off? What the fuck is happening?!"  Stiles took off his button down and peeled off his t-shirt to reveal a surprisingly trim frame.  He noticed Danny's look of approval.

"When you're stuck inside a horny Noggy you learn to relieve some stress by working out."

"What the shit?!  What the actual _fuck_ is happening?!"

"What's happening is that I'm telling you that Noggy was gay, and when someone gay is inside you it allows you to open your mind to new things. Maybe redefine all the things you thought made you yourself. For example, Stiles is usually an awkward jokey guy, right?"  Danny nodded and relaxed a little bit, of course that was it.  Stiles is just trying to be a jokester, this darker version of Stiles was just him pulling a joke.  Danny rolled his eyes.

"Ha ha Stiles, very funny, look, I'll come back when you've gotten some rest, but you _will_ tell me about Miguel, okay?" Stiles narrowed his eyes and gave Danny a look that made him think maybe he'd misinterpreted what was happening here.

"So that's it?  I am a fucking joke to you right?  All the times I've saved your ass, saved this town, I'm a fucking joke?"

"Stiles you just got done telling me how a horny Japanese spirit made you gay and you want me to take you seriously? You're not a joke but you can't be serious right now."

"If that's how you want to interpret this than I guess that's fine, but know one thing Mr. Mahealani-" and as he said this Stiles took steps towards Danny and with every step he expertly unbuttoned his jeans, pushed them and his boxers to the floor and stepped right into Danny's confusingly aroused personal space. "If this is a joke, then the joke is your mouth, and the punchline is my cock."

"----" is what Danny said because... _OMG_.  When did Stiles get so confident and so... HOT? Danny knew _overall_ the Nogitsune was a bad thing, but if maybe a little bit of it rubbed off on Stiles it may not be such a- Nope, Danny shook his head.  _This thing KILLED people, there's no way I can be getting turned on by this_.

"Stiles, I don't know exactly what's happening, but I know I can't do this, it's too-" and Danny couldn't finish the sentence because suddenly Stiles mouth was on his mouth and his tongue was pushing in and his hand was grabbing Danny's ass and Danny was letting it? What in the actual fuck?!  What made it worse is that Danny's mind may have tried to hold on to some sort of moral compass and general rationale, but Danny's cock was feening for some more SPN dick and recently, mostly depossessed Stiles was hitting the _spot_. 

They kissed roughly for a bit and Stiles broke the kiss with an audible smack as their mouths parted.  He leaned into Danny pressing the entire length of his body against a man who was once with shirt and now suddenly without and pants that were once fully on and buttoned were now on the floor around his ankles.  (When did this happen?!)  He leaned into Danny and pressed his lips to Danny's ear and whispered breathily,

"Danny, listen to me.  I want you to shut the fuck up, but not because I don't want to hear what you have to say, I think you have a very lovely voice, okay?" Stiles brought his head back and looked Danny in his bewildered brown eyes.  Danny didn't know what to do so he nodded and Stiles smiled a sweet (if not a bit scary) grin and put his lips back to Danny's ear. 

"I'm going to go lay on the bed on my back, and you're going to come over and you're going to kiss me.  You're going to start on my mouth and draw your lips slowly down my neck.  You can use my moles like a fucking star map for all I care, just get it done.  Then you're going to move to my nipples and then you'll keep going down until you tongue my belly button and this is where it gets important, are you with me so far?"  Danny was surprised to find himself checklisting making sure not to forget anything. 

"Yeah, I got it."

"DANNY FUCK! What did I _just_ say about shutting the fuck up?"  Danny blinked several times in a row hoping it was akin to the Morse code for "I'm sorry".  Stiles seemed to understand and continued.

"You're going to bypass my cock and work a bit on my inner thigh, you're going to bite it and kiss it and lick it, and then you'll look at my cock and consider it.  You'll grasp it by the base with one hand, firmly and then you'll take that _joke_ of a mouth, and you'll wrap it around the head of my _punchline_ and you'll bob on it up and down until you get a laugh.  Are you ready Danny, because I've been in such a foul mood and I really want to laugh.  Are you ready?"  Danny nodded and almost fell once Stiles stepped away from him.

As he turned his back Danny saw this was a perfect opportunity to run for the door and make his exit.  Sure he'd have to run home half naked since his shirt was off and he'd have to run out of his pants since he wouldn't have time to pull them up.  He looked on the bed at Stiles, naked and on his back with his throbbing erect cock defying gravity swaying through the air.  Danny considered something else: he really liked these jeans.  They were one of a kind and they were white and he knows if he ran Stiles would just ruin them, so really for the sake of the jeans...

That night he finally understood why Stiles was always cracking wise.  He found that he loved making Stiles laugh as he told many, many jokes. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dirty drabble that happened because we just got done talking about Danny's crappy treatment on the show which is why Stanny and how dark!Stiles was super hot which is why dark!Stanny, or rather, remnants of dark!Stanny. Hope you enjoyed it, leave a comment, I'm relentless in my replies.
> 
> SPN = Supernatural
> 
> Also, uhh.. I don't know if Noggy was gay, but he was obsessed with cute Asian girls and keeps inhabiting the body of hot officers and cute highschool boys so I'm just saying. Actually, I think Stiles just made it up so he could finally get some Stanny going.
> 
> I'm a terrible person.


End file.
